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studio «Albert & Co.»
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presents
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film by Albert Vedeneev
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TRIVIAL QUESTIONS
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Trivial questions
can be the most… you know?
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What does «old man» mean?
What should we understand by «old man»?
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An old man is someone
who doesn’t want
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to live anymore. That’s how I’d define it.
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He feels bad, everyone annoys him.
Nothing interests him. That’s an old man.
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They say things like
— Oh, I’m no good anymore!
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Like my grandmothers say.
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I think old age starts around 60.
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Well, it’s just a calmer,
more peaceful state of mind.
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After 90.
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Not because I’m fixated on
numbers, I don’t care about numbers.
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But I felt that
after 90 — total wreck [laughs]
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90 years old is an age when,
I think, you’ve already seen everything
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and you’re just tired.
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I’m very afraid that at 90,
I won’t be able to do things myself.
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Very sweet.
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Most people that age usually
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can’t even perform
the most basic actions.
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I have rings on my doors.
I grab the rings with my hands
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and stretch. So I do 200 steps
on a spiky mat.
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He starts reflecting on everything
he’s lived through, begins to sum things up.
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I rarely go to the doctor.
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At 90? I suppose I’d be interested in
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the fate and lives of my
grandchildren, my children.
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If I want — I take a few steps.
If I want — just one, up to 200.
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One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 40!
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One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine. 60!
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A 90-year-old looks weak.
Maybe with a cane or something.
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Full of wrinkles.
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Well, at 96,
I don’t feel it — that’s for sure.
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But maybe around 70.
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But how I feel, I’m still
young at heart for now.
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I feel… only one
problem now, with my leg —
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my joint… It’s been hurting
for 10 years… my left leg.
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But I walk with a cane just
fine, no problem. To the store…
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I go, take care of
myself. Nothing terrible.
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There are little aches
and pains, but nothing major.
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I don’t have teeth anymore.
My heart’s fine, my head never hurts.
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I want to: do laundry,
clean up, iron, get things done…
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put some order in my life.
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There.
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I still have a desire to live.
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So…
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to whimper and complain?
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I don’t see that in myself.
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I feel fine, overall,
no major illnesses.
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YOUTH sometimes ends
because you marry too early
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or because of that.
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Probably — that’s the
main reason. Family status changes,
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and your attitude toward
your age changes. Probably.
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Youth ends when
a person takes on responsibility
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and can no longer act carelessly.
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Youth ends when…
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life doesn’t get easier, but…
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not harder.
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But problems start arising.
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A big family,
children growing up.
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Well, that’s not youth
anymore, that’s serious.
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At 13, I thought
18-year-olds were already old.
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But I think as you
age, that range expands.
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Youth is probably
from zero to 40.
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What interests me?
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Right now, I’m very
interested in meeting people,
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learning about the
world, trying new things,
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figuring out what I want to do next.
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Well…
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I sew!
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I sew aprons, potholders. Whatever I see,
I sew! As long as I can see with one eye.
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I love new things
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and I love cities,
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so I still watch TV…
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like the TV show «Our City»…
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or shows about life in other countries.
That’s what I love… those shows.
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When I left the Army, I…
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didn’t just lie down and do nothing,
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but asked myself — what should I do?
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I chose beekeeping.
And now, for many years…
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over 30, almost 40,
I’ve been a beekeeper.
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I love nature madly — not so much
human creations, but nature itself.
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So I’m happy to walk and hike.
But I can’t travel anymore.
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And I love music.
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Lately, I’ve had trouble finding…
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something I really enjoy.
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So right now, I can’t
name anything specific.
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I know I love horses and would like to
connect my life with them, but that’s a hobby
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Right now, I’m
interested in my own growth.
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Goals I’ve set for myself
and achieving them. That kind of thing…
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I also love watching
movies and sports.
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Spending time with
friends, meeting new people.
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It just adds new colors to life.
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My profession.
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I edit documentary films,
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mostly about war.
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But you know, now I can afford anything…
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whatever I want…
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In relation to food — no problem
— I can buy whatever I want
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I’ve got a sweet tooth.
I love sweets. But no diabetes.
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Yes!
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Clothes and other things —
that too.
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But I have almost everything.
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At 19, I feel a certain
freedom. You can do so much more…
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things you couldn’t before:
work, travel on your own,
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but without the burden
of major responsibilities.
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No responsibilities yet,
but I have more freedom.
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Now I can afford anything
because I’m in full control of my life.
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At 5, there was some
dependence on my parents, during school…
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like everyone, I guess.
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There were some limits.
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Of course, I can’t break the law,
though that’s up to each person…
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but I can do whatever I want.
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No limits for me.
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I don’t know, the only
advantage I feel is that…
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people try to help you.
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How many times —
I’ve fallen in the subway, so many times.
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Tripping on steps.
And people grab me! Even women…
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get up, grab me, and lift me!
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Not to mention men.
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No. No. I think it’s all losses.
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No advantages at all.
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You know what? Age… Old age,
rather, I think — is losses without gains.
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You lose so much. I mean not just
external losses, but your own body.
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You lose so much,
you have to give things up.
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What first?
Biking, skiing, swimming.
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I had to give all that up.
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You lose strength.
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What losses?
You lose physical strength.
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Though I try to walk a lot,
but… there’s a limit to everything.
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Now I can afford to learn more.
In first grade, we only learned letters…
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but now we get tons of
information in a single day.
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So many lessons, so much new material.
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Well, aside from the
usual perks everyone gets…
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when they come of age…
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No, I don’t know what to say. [laughs]
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I wouldn’t say there’s anything
I couldn’t afford before but can now.
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I…
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Well, how to put it… very hard.
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Well, before I had to take care of my wife.
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My wife left me…
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12 years ago…
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With the kids…
One lives here. The other…
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her husband died too.
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So, I don’t know
how to answer that.
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Almost no friends left.
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I have relatives, close ones.
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But, you see, my own age,
because that’s what you need,
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more or less
the same age. They’re gone.
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I don’t know anyone older than me.
Relatives like that disappeared long ago.
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And friends also: 2 men and about 4 women
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who were over 80,
close to 90, but they’re all gone.
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All three brothers, all three died.
I’m the only one left. All gone.
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Me and my children, and grandchildren.
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That’s it. No one else.
No sisters or brothers.
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They’ve all passed.
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All gone. So you’re left
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a «lonely old man», so to speak.
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Especially after my wife left… That’s it.
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Every day. I feel
lonely every day.
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Loneliness is loneliness, yes.
You know, I had many acquaintances…
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many friends. There were friends,
but somehow almost all are gone.
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And my friends —
younger than me. All of them.
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I have people in my life who
know how to fill the emptiness I feel inside.
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But unfortunately, our
communication isn’t close enough…
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for the emptiness to disappear completely.
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I haven’t yet accepted the thought
that… Well, we’re born and die alone…
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and need to learn
to be comfortable with yourself.
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You know, I somehow… No.
I don’t feel loneliness at all.
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Maybe because I have a big
family? No, I don’t know that feeling.
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Nope. [laughs] Nope.
Nope. No, no, I don’t feel it.
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[sighs] Sometimes I think:
Damn it — no one to talk to!
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About things that only
interest them… things from the past.
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That happens. But I don’t feel
lonely. Well, my relatives aren’t quiet…
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I have people to talk to.
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I only talk on the
phone during holidays.
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Now there’s… left: two men…
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and four women…
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who are somewhat close to
my age, people I used to talk to…
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and now talk to two or
three times a year, on holidays.
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I don’t consider myself lonely.
But someone might think so…
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because I don’t talk to everyone.
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Not a huge social circle,
but I’m comfortable with that.
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I think anyone feels
lonely sometimes, in bad moments…
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when you’re in a bad emotional state
and feel like — I’m alone on this planet.
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Unwanted. But it’s rare.
I always have people I love around me.
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I feel lonely, but
it doesn’t last long. It might be a day…
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of sadness. And then it’s over.
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I feel lonely when I come
home and am alone with myself.
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It’s a bit dissonant, isn’t it?
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You can quickly switch between
being cheerful and then suddenly…
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realizing you’re lonely.
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00:16:25,167 –> 00:16:32,981
In 1946, I entered
technical school. How did I get in?
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At that time I went to 8th grade,
after 7th, studied for a month and a half…
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…a friend came and said:
— I’m in technical school!
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00:16:45,523 –> 00:16:50,101
— Which one?
— The printing one!
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And we get a 14-ruble stipend!
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00:16:57,257 –> 00:17:07,958
My mom heard and said:
— Valya, 14 rubles! A stipend! How could you miss that?
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I studied well. Very well.
Not top of the class, but a good student.
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They accepted me.
So I studied there.
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00:17:23,334 –> 00:17:29,717
Hard times. Just getting by.
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00:17:31,069 –> 00:17:34,835
We got a bad time.
Yes, a bad time.
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No, I haven’t
settled on a profession.
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00:17:37,250 –> 00:17:41,664
Very simple. It’s all the fault,
if you can say that, of Soviet power…
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00:17:42,520 –> 00:17:49,548
which raised people
a certain way. Not like now.
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00:17:50,457 –> 00:17:58,913
In 1936 — my first grade,
around then. The Spanish Civil War…
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00:18:00,625 –> 00:18:02,335
Franco.
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00:18:03,148 –> 00:18:09,041
We were all pioneers,
wearing pointy caps.
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00:18:09,182 –> 00:18:14,309
Called «Spanish caps.»
And everywhere: «Spain, Spain!»Talk of Spain.
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00:18:14,469 –> 00:18:15,570
Then the war…
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The Great Patriotic War began.
I remember it well here.
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00:18:24,042 –> 00:18:30,009
I remember coming… lived near
Petrogradskaya, went to the train station…
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00:18:30,100 –> 00:18:37,657
Finland Railway Station wasn’t built yet.
They’re singing: «Arise, great country…
215
00:18:37,982 –> 00:18:42,607
Arise for a fight to the death
Against the dark fascist force…
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00:18:42,690 –> 00:18:44,423
Against the cursed horde.»
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00:18:44,799 –> 00:18:49,787
3rd or 4th day of the war!
And the song already existed!
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I don’t know if it was written
earlier, but they were already singing it.
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This shows the people were
100% against the Germans…
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00:19:04,078 –> 00:19:08,437
and I was a kid, grew up during
the war. The war started when I was 12.
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00:19:08,521 –> 00:19:14,786
So, for us boys who
grew up during and after the war…
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00:19:16,277 –> 00:19:22,664
thanks to the upbringing from
our leaders, government — everyone…
223
00:19:23,944 –> 00:19:26,231
A love for the military emerged.
224
00:19:26,442 –> 00:19:35,628
For uniforms! All the guys
around me wanted to be soldiers! Me too.
225
00:19:36,790 –> 00:19:44,982
So when it was time to apply,
I applied to Suvorov Military School…
226
00:19:45,101 –> 00:19:49,287
it was called Preparatory School then.
227
00:19:50,167 –> 00:19:54,208
I applied, was accepted,
finished school. That’s it.
228
00:19:54,810 –> 00:19:55,917
And I became a soldier.
229
00:19:56,000 –> 00:19:58,984
Now I’ve settled
on my profession.
230
00:19:59,173 –> 00:20:03,292
I edit documentary films, I love it.
231
00:20:03,375 –> 00:20:08,247
When the war started, I took
nursing courses and was a nurse the whole war
232
00:20:08,985 –> 00:20:14,453
Thank God, I realized I wouldn’t
make a good doctor, and being a bad one is a crime.
233
00:20:14,544 –> 00:20:16,301
At least, that’s what I thought.
234
00:20:16,385 –> 00:20:21,742
Some professions — teacher,
doctor, maybe others. It’s a crime.
235
00:20:22,057 –> 00:20:29,565
Saw too much suffering, pain,
blood during the war. Didn’t want that.
236
00:20:30,023 –> 00:20:34,920
So I went to technical
school, became an engineer.
237
00:20:35,918 –> 00:20:40,349
But for the last 20 years,
I was a design group leader.
238
00:20:41,531 –> 00:20:42,899
Business trips, all that.
239
00:20:43,145 –> 00:20:49,508
No, I’m satisfied with my job,
no doubt. I can’t say it’s a calling…
240
00:20:49,620 –> 00:20:51,667
but it was fine.
241
00:20:51,751 –> 00:20:56,536
I’m only 14.
I have time to think, but for now…
242
00:20:56,620 –> 00:21:02,355
I’ve chosen law. That direction.
243
00:21:03,584 –> 00:21:11,264
I’ve chosen my exams:
social studies, English.
244
00:21:11,701 –> 00:21:13,245
For now, that’s it.
245
00:21:14,251 –> 00:21:17,990
At 14, I also thought
I knew what I wanted.
246
00:21:18,592 –> 00:21:26,422
And once I outgrew that
teenage phase…
247
00:21:26,956 –> 00:21:28,890
I got completely lost.
248
00:21:29,042 –> 00:21:33,280
What’s my profession?
I finished vocational school.
249
00:21:34,682 –> 00:21:39,804
Sent to a sewing factory.
That was my profession.
250
00:21:39,964 –> 00:21:48,430
I got there right after the war.
People worked wherever there was work…
251
00:21:48,514 –> 00:21:50,552
wherever they could find it.
252
00:21:50,709 –> 00:21:59,338
In school, I went
to the Pioneer House to learn lathe work.
253
00:21:59,541 –> 00:22:06,703
So — lathe operator. Later,
before the army, I worked as one.
254
00:22:07,000 –> 00:22:09,919
Early on, I realized…
255
00:22:10,002 –> 00:22:12,458
childhood dream — actress.
256
00:22:12,542 –> 00:22:15,501
But I know I don’t have the talent.
257
00:22:15,584 –> 00:22:22,176
Then construction: electrician, plumber.
258
00:22:22,260 –> 00:22:28,449
Oh [laughs] I’ve worked all kinds of jobs!
Back then they’d sign contracts…
259
00:22:29,048 –> 00:22:31,635
to go somewhere – they’d provide housing there.
260
00:22:32,313 –> 00:22:37,579
We thought and thought.
Then decided to stay in Leningrad.
261
00:22:38,057 –> 00:22:43,850
I went to work as a laborer
at a construction site. Just to have work.
262
00:22:44,430 –> 00:22:46,523
Then they put me on the waiting list.
263
00:22:47,054 –> 00:22:52,168
Solovyov-Sedoy was
the deputy of our district.
264
00:22:53,250 –> 00:22:57,634
I got an appointment with him.
They put me on the waiting list.
265
00:22:58,477 –> 00:23:01,811
And so I worked for a year and a half
266
00:23:01,895 –> 00:23:05,857
and they already
promised an apartment, a room.
267
00:23:06,810 –> 00:23:09,352
After two years of work they gave me a room.
268
00:23:09,876 –> 00:23:14,892
I want to connect my life with
cinema, just like my parents did.
269
00:23:15,161 –> 00:23:18,269
I want to choose
a profession that I’ll enjoy…
270
00:23:18,353 –> 00:23:21,763
not something I’m good at
but would find burdensome.
271
00:23:21,950 –> 00:23:23,044
So I’ve made my choice. Yes.
272
00:23:23,142 –> 00:23:27,318
I love introspection, but so far
I don’t have an answer to this question.
273
00:23:28,424 –> 00:23:33,989
Yes. Completely. I don’t even
have an idea how to find what I want to do.
274
00:23:34,321 –> 00:23:36,750
I decided I want to become a director.
275
00:23:36,834 –> 00:23:41,468
I also love writing, I write,
so I could also work as a screenwriter.
276
00:23:41,552 –> 00:23:46,000
So this has been since I was about 5, you could
say. I haven’t seen myself doing anything else.
277
00:23:46,083 –> 00:23:51,721
First I worked on digitizing
video archives, organizing them…
278
00:23:52,307 –> 00:23:57,341
then as I worked the opportunity
to become an editor came up.
279
00:23:58,412 –> 00:24:01,757
I started taking on that work.
I started from absolute zero.
280
00:24:02,187 –> 00:24:07,372
I can’t say I was working toward it for years,
that I set it as a goal. I didn’t even have such a goal.
281
00:24:07,809 –> 00:24:10,462
They just told me –
give it a try. So I started trying.
282
00:24:10,823 –> 00:24:14,710
That’s the only way to
understand what kind of work you’ll enjoy.
283
00:24:14,959 –> 00:24:20,540
My future profession, as I see it,
is connected to restaurants, to hotels.
284
00:24:20,797 –> 00:24:27,673
More precisely, what exactly it will involve I think
I’ll understand better toward the end of my studies.
285
00:24:28,056 –> 00:24:31,062
I’m studying hospitality and restaurant management.
286
00:24:31,146 –> 00:24:36,687
No energy for anything at all. I mean you’re not
just lying there like a vegetable, so to speak.
287
00:24:36,771 –> 00:24:42,851
It’s more like depression already,
but lacking the internal resources…
288
00:24:43,585 –> 00:24:47,750
to take even a single step in any direction.
289
00:24:47,834 –> 00:24:51,944
I think it’s very important
to try new things, different things.
290
00:24:52,326 –> 00:24:55,996
To try yourself in various
fields…
291
00:24:56,080 –> 00:24:58,362
That’s how you’ll find yourself
292
00:24:58,815 –> 00:25:06,300
I keep doing this and maybe I’ll find
something closer to me than jurisprudence.
293
00:25:06,384 –> 00:25:07,900
So we keep searching.
294
00:25:08,751 –> 00:25:16,602
I think that purpose is
sent to us from somewhere.
295
00:25:18,391 –> 00:25:25,898
Or to accept that it’s like you could have
done something else. But it didn’t work out.
296
00:25:32,334 –> 00:25:35,496
I never had depression,
because I’m a cheerful person.
297
00:25:35,580 –> 00:25:39,185
Yes, I might cry all night
and maybe for three…
298
00:25:39,269 –> 00:25:44,624
connected to trauma,
death and so on.
299
00:25:44,708 –> 00:25:48,471
But that rarely happens, because
such things don’t happen every day.
300
00:25:48,555 –> 00:25:50,836
But I never had real depression.
301
00:25:51,209 –> 00:25:55,680
A difficult period that might
have been depression, maybe not…
302
00:25:56,105 –> 00:26:00,535
because I can’t check it
against some chart.
303
00:26:00,827 –> 00:26:02,800
It was when I was looking for work.
304
00:26:03,085 –> 00:26:05,354
It lasted for many months…
305
00:26:05,437 –> 00:26:09,196
when I, having already graduated,
had good knowledge…
306
00:26:09,497 –> 00:26:14,121
good connections in places and couldn’t
make it work for various reasons.
307
00:26:14,444 –> 00:26:16,065
I didn’t know how to get out of it.
308
00:26:16,709 –> 00:26:21,320
I had, perhaps, some apathy setting in,
started seeing less of loved ones.
309
00:26:21,798 –> 00:26:25,678
I was conscious, I understood
that the problem would be resolved.
310
00:26:25,762 –> 00:26:30,125
Maybe I wasn’t depressed at all,
or maybe I was already drowning in it.
311
00:26:31,017 –> 00:26:34,893
So for me it was more
likely a temporary difficulty.
312
00:26:35,446 –> 00:26:39,134
Depression… I don’t think
I’ve ever had real depression.
313
00:26:39,576 –> 00:26:44,810
But I do get depressed periodically.
The question is how long it lasts?
314
00:26:46,247 –> 00:26:52,955
In summer and spring my mood is
usually good. But in winter, like February,
315
00:26:53,039 –> 00:26:59,175
sometimes it hits me, but I try
to pull myself out of these states.
316
00:26:59,513 –> 00:27:05,343
I was never diagnosed with depression,
but there were and are depressive episodes.
317
00:27:06,003 –> 00:27:14,088
It’s not as bad as depression,
but it’s damn rollercoasters…
318
00:27:14,752 –> 00:27:16,526
that really get in the way of living.
319
00:27:16,792 –> 00:27:19,059
No!
320
00:27:20,589 –> 00:27:23,386
That I’d be killing myself? Nooo, no, no.
321
00:27:23,831 –> 00:27:25,564
That I’d be suffering? No.
322
00:27:25,736 –> 00:27:30,978
Depression is actually such a diagnosis.
A psychotherapist gives it to you.
323
00:27:31,371 –> 00:27:37,836
But I think everyone
has had it. There was such a period…
324
00:27:38,149 –> 00:27:42,179
when you’re in
a depressed state for a long time.
325
00:27:42,585 –> 00:27:48,546
I had such a period for a couple
months. I think it was last year…
326
00:27:48,943 –> 00:27:56,247
what really helped me was communication.
My family actually noticed I wasn’t feeling well…
327
00:27:56,578 –> 00:27:58,078
and tried to distract me somehow.
328
00:27:58,162 –> 00:28:00,459
I’m very grateful to them for that.
329
00:28:00,542 –> 00:28:02,540
No, I never had depression,
they won’t let me.
330
00:28:02,624 –> 00:28:08,573
No. No. I just don’t allow myself that.
331
00:28:10,491 –> 00:28:13,244
Oh, depressions… depressions…
332
00:28:23,783 –> 00:28:27,687
Something like that… particularly
depressions – I don’t remember that.
333
00:28:28,209 –> 00:28:34,918
Once I was walking,
and fell on this very… on the stairs.
334
00:28:35,367 –> 00:28:40,615
Fell and… whoosh-whoosh-whoosh
rolled all the way down to the first floor.
335
00:28:41,332 –> 00:28:46,135
Rolled. Well, of course it
hurt. Of course this and that.
336
00:28:46,549 –> 00:28:49,338
Seems nothing, no bruises.
337
00:28:49,422 –> 00:28:56,775
Just a little here. Here.
And here my collarbone got broken.
338
00:28:58,132 –> 00:29:02,461
But if I kept thinking
about it, that it’s broken.
339
00:29:02,815 –> 00:29:05,033
Well then – that would be depression!
340
00:29:05,199 –> 00:29:07,135
Depression?
341
00:29:09,129 –> 00:29:14,386
[laughs] I’ll tell you, I never had
any depressions. That «Oooh!«
342
00:29:16,882 –> 00:29:18,581
How awful!
343
00:29:18,828 –> 00:29:23,716
No, except when
someone close dies.
344
00:29:23,902 –> 00:29:28,129
Well, the mood is bad then,
of course. But depressions…
345
00:29:29,051 –> 00:29:34,018
over any serious matters,
or even minor ones – never had.
346
00:29:35,617 –> 00:29:37,805
I was lucky in that regard.
347
00:29:45,000 –> 00:29:48,280
Everything flies by instantly! Instantly.
348
00:29:48,563 –> 00:29:56,989
You meet someone, for example,
then you call. Some time passes…
349
00:29:57,073 –> 00:30:00,224
you call on the phone, they say:
350
00:30:00,308 –> 00:30:04,087
— Goodness, finally!
We thought you were already gone.»
351
00:30:04,385 –> 00:30:07,710
— What do you mean? We just saw each other!
352
00:30:07,851 –> 00:30:10,006
— What do you mean just? A year ago!
353
00:30:10,502 –> 00:30:13,327
Time flies so instantly.
354
00:30:13,459 –> 00:30:18,959
Time flows differently.
The older you get, the faster time flows.
355
00:30:19,304 –> 00:30:23,173
Now it flows instantly. I don’t have time
to get up, and already need to go to bed.
356
00:30:23,939 –> 00:30:26,626
And before? I remember…
357
00:30:27,291 –> 00:30:28,999
1941…
358
00:30:29,754 –> 00:30:31,421
the war had just started
359
00:30:32,124 –> 00:30:33,921
We lived at the dacha…
360
00:30:34,494 –> 00:30:37,760
me, mom and my sister
361
00:30:37,911 –> 00:30:46,849
We lived not far from the «Trubnikovo»
station – that’s 100 km from Moscow station
362
00:30:48,673 –> 00:30:53,372
And mom told me:
—Let’s go to the next station to buy something
363
00:30:54,068 –> 00:31:01,251
We came to «Trubnikovo» stop,
and it was about 4 km to go by train.
364
00:31:03,000 –> 00:31:06,658
Suddenly mom says
—We’ll have to wait 2 hours.
365
00:31:07,322 –> 00:31:08,816
I say
— How much?
366
00:31:09,020 –> 00:31:14,037
—Two hours.
My god, how those 2 hours dragged on!
367
00:31:14,420 –> 00:31:16,773
How long they were…
368
00:31:17,828 –> 00:31:19,784
those 2 hours of waiting.
369
00:31:19,941 –> 00:31:23,360
And now 2 hours? What’s that?
Boom and it’s gone!
370
00:31:23,879 –> 00:31:28,710
You know, I often think about
how everything flashes by so much faster now.
371
00:31:28,918 –> 00:31:33,120
They locked us in the
classroom and said «Sit»
372
00:31:33,203 –> 00:31:37,084
Nothing to do.
And it lasted so long.
373
00:31:37,167 –> 00:31:47,473
For me, as 365 point and 6
tenths circles the Sun, so it circles…
374
00:31:47,964 –> 00:31:51,296
And nothing can be done
about it. No one can change it.
375
00:31:51,764 –> 00:31:54,792
It’s just a psychological
thing. It seems that way.
376
00:31:55,034 –> 00:32:02,618
For a child it seems like
forever waiting to be let out to play
377
00:32:02,978 –> 00:32:07,701
forever waiting
to go to the movies
378
00:32:08,472 –> 00:32:10,196
And now everything is instant…
379
00:32:10,677 –> 00:32:12,232
everything happens instantly
380
00:32:12,402 –> 00:32:16,029
And it’s not just me. I had
this conversation with someone.
381
00:32:16,459 –> 00:32:19,253
Now I don’t remember.
That the same picture, that now…
382
00:32:19,425 –> 00:32:24,862
that the older you get,
the faster time seems to go.
383
00:32:26,431 –> 00:32:33,749
Oh, cherish time.
Cherish it. Because you miss it.
384
00:32:34,864 –> 00:32:36,379
I mean don’t miss it…
385
00:32:39,683 –> 00:32:41,772
because you might be late
386
00:32:41,856 –> 00:32:45,981
No, well you just don’t
understand it when you’re young.
387
00:32:46,378 –> 00:32:49,230
But with age,
of course, you understand…
388
00:32:49,566 –> 00:32:51,035
oh how I missed it!
389
00:32:51,125 –> 00:32:53,811
A life full of events feels longer.
390
00:32:54,083 –> 00:33:00,204
The more events, the longer
(and fuller) your life seems.
391
00:33:00,689 –> 00:33:02,414
Desire, I suppose.
392
00:33:04,693 –> 00:33:10,495
Desire meaning – want to go enjoy nature?
393
00:33:10,586 –> 00:33:11,576
Desire, right?
394
00:33:11,740 –> 00:33:14,290
Want to see some interesting performance…
395
00:33:23,078 –> 00:33:30,474
Desire! I think – that’s what
keeps you going and even pulls you forward.
396
00:33:31,751 –> 00:33:40,499
It’s work. Some hobby.
That’s it. That slows down time.
397
00:33:40,959 –> 00:33:45,660
Hunger. There. Remembered. Figured it out.
398
00:33:46,587 –> 00:33:54,685
Living through the blockade here
one day was hard and exhausting.
399
00:33:55,243 –> 00:33:59,789
And exhausting. Compared
to living a day now. There…
400
00:34:00,456 –> 00:34:03,820
That affects it. Right?
401
00:34:08,211 –> 00:34:11,718
Well and in general,
depends what you’re doing?
402
00:34:11,801 –> 00:34:13,652
If you’re doing something interesting…
403
00:34:13,926 –> 00:34:15,188
time flies faster.
404
00:34:15,708 –> 00:34:20,888
If uninteresting, slows down, you think
damn – let this end already, to go home.
405
00:34:21,815 –> 00:34:24,386
Life becomes longer when it’s full.
406
00:34:24,470 –> 00:34:29,835
It’s good to live with
the feeling that life is long.
407
00:34:29,918 –> 00:34:34,607
Two. Exhale. That’s three.
408
00:34:36,408 –> 00:34:40,451
Inhale exhale. Four.
409
00:34:43,368 –> 00:34:48,298
Inhale exhale. Five.
410
00:34:50,050 –> 00:34:54,288
Inhale exhale. Six.
411
00:34:57,135 –> 00:35:01,136
Inhale exhale. Seven.
412
00:35:02,415 –> 00:35:05,937
I do this exercise 25 times.
413
00:35:06,292 –> 00:35:10,376
I think my first thought in the morning is…
414
00:35:10,459 –> 00:35:14,515
that I don’t want this day
to be like the previous one.
415
00:35:14,788 –> 00:35:20,917
Like the morning starts with frustration.
You wake up already in a bad mood.
416
00:35:21,000 –> 00:35:26,512
When I wake up, the
first thing I do is check the weather.
417
00:35:27,626 –> 00:35:28,709
I’m still alive.
418
00:35:28,792 –> 00:35:31,922
Wonderful.
419
00:35:35,137 –> 00:35:39,137
Oh… parents will 100%
hear. I don’t want to.
420
00:35:41,402 –> 00:35:43,769
Parents will 100%
hear I don’t want to say.
421
00:35:44,074 –> 00:35:46,306
First thought in the morning when I wake up
422
00:35:46,415 –> 00:35:47,997
«Thank god I didn’t oversleep»
423
00:35:48,443 –> 00:35:53,933
And go over what I need
to do in the next two hours
424
00:35:55,495 –> 00:35:58,751
In the morning I think
about which foot to get up on.
425
00:35:58,834 –> 00:36:01,188
Well, thank god, alive.
426
00:36:02,626 –> 00:36:05,543
What will I do? So, where to start?
427
00:36:05,626 –> 00:36:11,701
Sometimes there’s this thing – insomnia.
Just can’t fall asleep no matter what!
428
00:36:12,209 –> 00:36:17,639
When falling asleep I analyze
my day. Like, thinking over…
429
00:36:17,723 –> 00:36:19,810
my actions: either some stupid thing I did…
430
00:36:19,894 –> 00:36:22,244
Or like – that was a good joke…
431
00:36:22,328 –> 00:36:26,480
and I laugh. And like – «I did great»
432
00:36:26,894 –> 00:36:31,392
I have a very hard time falling asleep because
before bed so many thoughts appear in my head…
433
00:36:31,476 –> 00:36:34,021
and usually they’re negative toward me.
434
00:36:34,193 –> 00:36:40,417
Well, I start thinking about myself, about
what I don’t like about myself and so on.
435
00:36:40,500 –> 00:36:42,063
Engaging in self-reflection.
436
00:36:46,746 –> 00:36:52,073
An event I still think about very
often is the death of my friend.
437
00:36:52,558 –> 00:36:56,588
It was five years ago.
I remember the exact day. Almost the time.
438
00:36:57,551 –> 00:37:00,444
I can’t forget it.
It changed my life.
439
00:37:00,709 –> 00:37:05,797
It’s funny to remember how it was when little
and not really thinking about anything serious.
440
00:37:06,254 –> 00:37:08,806
Just living happily without a care.
441
00:37:09,601 –> 00:37:12,977
I remember such events.
Most often sad ones…
442
00:37:14,673 –> 00:37:16,983
about death, about quarrels
443
00:37:17,067 –> 00:37:21,589
things unpleasant to me, but
most often I suppress it with…
444
00:37:21,673 –> 00:37:23,287
the fact that now everything’s fine…
445
00:37:23,371 –> 00:37:25,274
and remember more pleasant moments.
446
00:37:25,691 –> 00:37:31,129
Most often, when I try to calm down
or when listening to music, I remember…
447
00:37:31,212 –> 00:37:32,997
pleasant moments.
448
00:37:34,834 –> 00:37:40,956
The lifting of the blockade and
Victory Day, remained the main…
449
00:37:41,039 –> 00:37:46,126
Truly, a holiday
with tears in the eyes, right?
450
00:37:46,209 –> 00:37:53,707
Right now my close ones live
quite far away in another country.
451
00:37:53,936 –> 00:37:57,472
So I often remember that moment…
452
00:37:57,556 –> 00:38:03,995
when my niece was born.
I remember that day clearly…
453
00:38:04,079 –> 00:38:08,571
so looking at photos,
videos I remember it.
454
00:38:09,418 –> 00:38:11,063
An event?
455
00:38:12,417 –> 00:38:16,768
Well, first, I remember how
we got out of the blockade…
456
00:38:18,001 –> 00:38:24,429
I wouldn’t be alive here now if we
hadn’t left on that train to the Urals…
457
00:38:25,682 –> 00:38:29,815
We lived in Magnitogorsk
for three and a half years…
458
00:38:30,730 –> 00:38:34,285
That’s an event I often remember
459
00:38:35,059 –> 00:38:42,553
Because it was such… we all –
the participants – took it very lightly.
460
00:38:43,224 –> 00:38:45,803
We didn’t realize
it was such a serious thing.
461
00:38:46,811 –> 00:38:48,358
We were glad we’d return.
462
00:38:49,061 –> 00:38:54,051
A few would live,
the rest would all die here.
463
00:38:54,792 –> 00:38:56,996
I often remember my great-grandmother.
464
00:38:57,356 –> 00:39:00,503
Because I never said so
much to her back then…
465
00:39:00,978 –> 00:39:02,529
never asked so much.
466
00:39:03,066 –> 00:39:08,387
And now she’s… All I have left
is, you could say, my memories of her…
467
00:39:09,207 –> 00:39:10,279
how I remember her
468
00:39:11,310 –> 00:39:12,502
So I often remember
469
00:39:12,586 –> 00:39:17,907
Since childhood I’ve had this
authority figure – my older sister Polina…
470
00:39:18,303 –> 00:39:23,520
and I always tried to be
like her, always follow her.
471
00:39:23,930 –> 00:39:26,642
She now currently
lives in another country…
472
00:39:26,821 –> 00:39:31,817
but I miss her and
often think about her.
473
00:39:35,458 –> 00:39:40,751
My second wife I remember
every day. Here’s her portrait.
474
00:39:41,212 –> 00:39:42,641
I remember her every day.
475
00:39:43,664 –> 00:39:47,584
Aelita. Aelita.
Like Tolstoy’s.
476
00:39:47,667 –> 00:39:51,190
You know, probably still my
friend was most valuable to me.
477
00:39:51,791 –> 00:39:54,229
For some reason I miss her the most.
478
00:39:55,135 –> 00:39:58,445
Maybe it’s my age
showing, that I have no one?
479
00:39:59,250 –> 00:40:03,039
A person I often think about
is still present in my life…
480
00:40:03,123 –> 00:40:05,022
and frankly poisoning it.
481
00:40:06,639 –> 00:40:08,835
Me!
[laughs]
482
00:40:08,918 –> 00:40:13,959
I – am the most valuable
person in my life. Yes. [laughs]
483
00:40:14,042 –> 00:40:19,191
Actually, it’s like asking –
«Do you love Mom or Dad more?«
484
00:40:19,542 –> 00:40:25,126
It’s such a question that
leaves you stumped…
485
00:40:25,690 –> 00:40:30,144
«Polina or Mom?«.
Logically the answer would be – Mom.
486
00:40:30,237 –> 00:40:33,602
So if… if I don’t
say «Mom» now I’ll…
487
00:40:34,846 –> 00:40:36,768
later everything will be very bad.
488
00:40:37,010 –> 00:40:38,523
So – «Mom«.
489
00:40:38,918 –> 00:40:43,061
I’d like to say the most
valuable person in my life is my mom…
490
00:40:43,368 –> 00:40:46,834
because, by general
opinion, that’s how it should be.
491
00:40:46,918 –> 00:40:49,128
But for some reason…
492
00:40:49,651 –> 00:40:54,575
I don’t feel that unconditional
love for my parents that…
493
00:40:54,731 –> 00:40:55,720
I’d like to feel.
494
00:40:57,235 –> 00:41:01,636
So, I guess, I won’t name anyone.
495
00:41:01,889 –> 00:41:05,863
The biggest deception?
My husband deceived me. Why?
496
00:41:06,551 –> 00:41:13,324
He deceived me you could say. Kept
coming after me. I wasn’t, wasn’t… at all…
497
00:41:13,644 –> 00:41:15,652
my dad was very strict
498
00:41:16,667 –> 00:41:18,623
I was really afraid of dad.
499
00:41:19,979 –> 00:41:23,226
There. He came and sent
his parents and all.
500
00:41:24,364 –> 00:41:25,524
I believed him.
501
00:41:26,297 –> 00:41:28,746
Then he started. Fooling around.
502
00:41:30,682 –> 00:41:34,083
I lived with him long, endured. Awful.
503
00:41:34,709 –> 00:41:39,848
The biggest deception of my
life is that good grades = good life.
504
00:41:40,669 –> 00:41:43,469
Be a straight-A student,
everything will be fine. Pass exams
505
00:41:43,930 –> 00:41:46,350
get into the best university in Moscow
506
00:41:47,784 –> 00:41:50,301
But, life showed it’s all
a bit more complicated.
507
00:41:50,934 –> 00:41:54,277
And at the time it really got me down.
508
00:41:55,125 –> 00:42:00,583
I’m a blockade survivor.
Was here all 900 days.
509
00:42:01,042 –> 00:42:04,469
Have the medal «For the Defense
of Leningrad». So I want to tell you…
510
00:42:06,195 –> 00:42:12,235
in my school, when we came
first time to school, very interesting…
511
00:42:13,141 –> 00:42:17,929
they gathered all of us,
all the children they could gather…
512
00:42:18,593 –> 00:42:27,809
The teachers said: «Children, your
main task is to study well…
513
00:42:28,224 –> 00:42:34,554
because every bad grade is help to the enemy.»
514
00:42:35,300 –> 00:42:43,941
Can you imagine, in 1942 to tell
children that «help to the enemy«?
515
00:42:44,209 –> 00:42:47,333
I never had any really big
serious deception in my life.
516
00:42:47,417 –> 00:42:48,971
So I’ll say – Santa Claus.
517
00:42:52,638 –> 00:42:55,866
I still believe in Santa
Claus, because it’s faith.
518
00:43:00,417 –> 00:43:06,054
That’s what faith is. I don’t need
to know exactly where he is…
519
00:43:06,138 –> 00:43:07,482
where he lives, his name
520
00:43:07,566 –> 00:43:09,830
when he was born. I believe in him.
521
00:43:10,306 –> 00:43:12,201
It’s easier for me to live that way.
522
00:43:13,125 –> 00:43:16,760
Probably the harshest deception is that…
523
00:43:16,877 –> 00:43:18,530
growing up is simple.
524
00:43:22,918 –> 00:43:26,796
That I spent my whole life
lying about my father’s execution.
525
00:43:27,342 –> 00:43:30,162
At work, I had to twist
the truth, and in life too…
526
00:43:30,246 –> 00:43:33,068
For me, my father’s
execution… for me, it’s…
527
00:43:34,160 –> 00:43:40,987
Well, it’s… Calling it a «wound» sounds
too dramatic… But it’s certainly unhealed.
528
00:43:41,392 –> 00:43:45,830
Unhealed. And the resentment…
529
00:43:47,572 –> 00:43:50,646
He was truly an intelligent
and talented man, and…
530
00:43:51,073 –> 00:43:55,187
He was executed in 1937,
but I only found out in 1990.
531
00:43:56,385 –> 00:43:57,497
That’s how it was.
532
00:43:57,835 –> 00:44:01,002
Of course, he was later rehabilitated.
533
00:44:01,086 –> 00:44:08,141
In 1956, they sent a note: «Rehabilitated
due to lack of evidence of a crime.»
534
00:44:08,334 –> 00:44:11,253
Why not write
«EXECUTED due to lack of evidence»?
535
00:44:12,264 –> 00:44:16,279
And they sent a death certificate…
536
00:44:17,709 –> 00:44:24,753
«Died in 1943 from such-and-such,
date, diagnosis. In prison.»
537
00:44:24,837 –> 00:44:28,557
Of course, I believed it! It
was an official document.
538
00:44:28,902 –> 00:44:34,763
Then, in 1990, I think, my husband Igor
found something in some obscure newspaper…
539
00:44:34,984 –> 00:44:39,778
You know, in Russia, sometimes a
window opens, and the truth slips out.
540
00:44:40,959 –> 00:44:43,826
He said:
— Larisa, look, quick!
541
00:44:44,302 –> 00:44:52,053
A note: «A sentence of 10 years without
the right to correspondence meant execution.»
542
00:44:53,557 –> 00:44:59,857
We had no idea! I wrote immediately.
They replied very quickly, very kindly…
543
00:45:00,453 –> 00:45:02,718
with all the details…
544
00:45:03,343 –> 00:45:08,391
«He was arrested on September 3rd,
on December 5 a ‘NKVD troika’ sentenced him»
545
00:45:09,629 –> 00:45:14,488
«The verdict is known. On December
19th, the sentence was carried out.»
546
00:45:14,629 –> 00:45:18,496
For me, this remains the
greatest sorrow of my life.
547
00:45:18,800 –> 00:45:20,990
Yes, it was a lie!
548
00:45:21,074 –> 00:45:24,959
That’s why, to me, Soviet
power is the embodiment of lie.
549
00:45:25,132 –> 00:45:30,823
Lies in everything! You’d think at
least death would be sacred, right?
550
00:45:31,070 –> 00:45:34,016
At least don’t lie about that.
But no—they lied everywhere.
551
00:45:36,414 –> 00:45:42,943
He was arrested in September 1937,
on the 3rd. I turned 10 on September 27.
552
00:45:46,709 –> 00:45:51,377
And after that?
After that, we knew nothing. We…
553
00:45:52,603 –> 00:45:55,117
How could we not know?
We lived in Moscow then…
554
00:45:55,201 –> 00:45:56,968
because after the Polytechnic Institute…
555
00:45:57,067 –> 00:46:00,458
he was assigned to work in Petrozavodsk.
556
00:46:00,541 –> 00:46:03,075
Then he was invited to Moscow.
557
00:46:03,625 –> 00:46:08,067
There was this organization — «GUSHOSDOR»
the Main Directorate of Highways.
558
00:46:09,535 –> 00:46:15,314
And we lived in Moscow. That building
still stands — Bozhedomsky Lane…
559
00:46:15,398 –> 00:46:18,684
Do you know Moscow at all?
560
00:46:19,388 –> 00:46:24,033
Bozhedomsky Lane is near
Samotechnaya… near Volkonskaya—that area.
561
00:46:25,505 –> 00:46:30,467
Building No. 20. It was called the
«House of Engineering Workers.»
562
00:46:30,551 –> 00:46:35,376
Built for engineering staff.
A four-story building with a corridor system…
563
00:46:35,538 –> 00:46:36,989
one kitchen, one toilet,
564
00:46:37,664 –> 00:46:44,114
and rooms. Ours was Room 154. So you
can imagine how long the corridor was…
565
00:46:44,198 –> 00:46:45,313
The size of it.
566
00:46:45,489 –> 00:46:52,475
Anyway… First, when my mother
found out… How did she find out?
567
00:46:54,208 –> 00:46:58,540
We were walking back from the Bolshoi
Theatre, they’d performed «The Little Stork»…
568
00:46:58,805 –> 00:47:04,046
and in the courtyard, we saw
one of my father’s colleagues.
569
00:47:04,578 –> 00:47:08,577
My mother immediately
asked, «How is Igor? Tell me.»
570
00:47:09,346 –> 00:47:10,953
He said, «Nastya, let’s go home quickly…»
571
00:47:11,037 –> 00:47:12,491
«I’ll tell you everything there, let’s go.»
572
00:47:12,575 –> 00:47:19,249
Long story short, he brought the
news that my father had been executed.
573
00:47:19,747 –> 00:47:23,212
My mother left immediately…
He was arrested in Gagra.
574
00:47:23,470 –> 00:47:26,198
She left me with the neighbors
and went straight to Gagra.
575
00:47:26,297 –> 00:47:30,633
Why? Well… it’s
understandable. A gut reaction.
576
00:47:31,602 –> 00:47:35,548
She kept walking near the prison.
577
00:47:36,167 –> 00:47:42,481
A man approached her very
discreetly, quickly slipped her a note…
578
00:47:42,565 –> 00:47:43,852
and ran off immediately.
579
00:47:43,936 –> 00:47:48,043
She didn’t even get a good
look at him—nothing at all.
580
00:47:48,584 –> 00:47:51,815
She brought that note home.
581
00:47:52,096 –> 00:47:58,738
It was written on torn
wrapping paper, in pencil.
582
00:47:59,131 –> 00:48:03,853
It said: «Nastya, I’m
not guilty of anything»…
583
00:48:04,473 –> 00:48:07,136
My mother burned that
note right in front of me.
584
00:48:08,070 –> 00:48:14,672
And then it began… The corridor
system, and at night, footsteps echoed.
585
00:48:14,836 –> 00:48:18,539
You know those jackbooted fascist-style
steps – that’s exactly what we heard!
586
00:48:19,179 –> 00:48:21,835
And everyone froze—whose
door would they stop at?
587
00:48:22,900 –> 00:48:26,295
Every evening, my mother
hung a little bag around my neck…
588
00:48:26,701 –> 00:48:31,393
with my birth certificate and a little
money. And she strictly instructed me:
589
00:48:31,538 –> 00:48:39,596
«If they take me, try to run away
and go to Grandma in Leningrad.»
590
00:48:40,336 –> 00:48:43,459
And one night was especially terrifying.
591
00:48:43,576 –> 00:48:48,739
You know, some things
just imprint on your memory.
592
00:48:50,584 –> 00:48:53,841
We had neighbors across
the hall. Door to door.
593
00:48:55,121 –> 00:48:56,748
The footsteps stopped.
594
00:48:57,876 –> 00:49:02,227
My mother and I couldn’t
tell—whose door was it?
595
00:49:03,532 –> 00:49:09,688
Even when the knock came, we still
couldn’t tell out of fear—whose door was it?
596
00:49:10,014 –> 00:49:11,757
My mother started to get up…
597
00:49:12,750 –> 00:49:17,328
and then the neighbors’ door opened.
598
00:49:17,429 –> 00:49:19,971
A terrifying time. And those footsteps…
599
00:49:20,449 –> 00:49:23,620
My mother feared arrest until her last days.
600
00:49:23,704 –> 00:49:26,937
I’d say
—Mom, it’s long over. No one will touch you.
601
00:49:27,296 –> 00:49:31,368
No, that fear stayed with her.
You know, an animalistic fear.
602
00:49:33,162 –> 00:49:37,510
And I lied all the time—about work.
603
00:49:37,594 –> 00:49:40,599
I even managed to work
in classified institutions.
604
00:49:42,582 –> 00:49:47,319
What saved me was that my
mother wasn’t arrested—so…
605
00:49:47,437 –> 00:49:50,875
Because usually, they’d take the parents…
606
00:49:50,958 –> 00:49:55,246
and the children would
be sent… to an orphanage…
607
00:49:55,330 –> 00:49:57,435
for children of «enemies of the people.»
608
00:49:58,299 –> 00:50:02,327
I don’t even know what to
compare it to… Maybe a prison?
609
00:50:02,709 –> 00:50:05,804
You can imagine how they
treated children of «enemies.»
610
00:50:06,448 –> 00:50:07,255
It’s obvious.
611
00:50:08,205 –> 00:50:12,573
And of course, where would I
have run if they’d taken my mother?
612
00:50:12,657 –> 00:50:13,720
It’s laughable.
613
00:50:13,978 –> 00:50:15,978
They wouldn’t have let me go anywhere.
614
00:50:16,500 –> 00:50:21,055
In the grand scheme… in
the grand scheme of things…
615
00:50:21,138 –> 00:50:24,722
I don’t think I’ve encountered deception
616
00:50:25,957 –> 00:50:31,287
that I can recall now and talk about.
617
00:50:32,334 –> 00:50:34,271
I don’t want to talk about it either.
618
00:50:34,355 –> 00:50:34,959
Sorry.
619
00:50:35,042 –> 00:50:41,961
One, two, three…
620
00:50:44,318 –> 00:50:46,611
The biggest mistake in life?
621
00:50:59,811 –> 00:51:03,794
[laughs] My first marriage! Nothing else.
622
00:51:04,693 –> 00:51:09,871
I don’t see any other mistakes.
Everything else—work, career—went fine.
623
00:51:10,887 –> 00:51:11,934
And at home.
624
00:51:13,074 –> 00:51:17,934
It’s hard to name my biggest mistake
because I make them every day.
625
00:51:18,267 –> 00:51:19,856
Maybe they’re small,
626
00:51:20,049 –> 00:51:25,030
medium, or big. I don’t
keep a chart for them.
627
00:51:26,034 –> 00:51:29,839
I make mistakes, I learn from them.
628
00:51:29,999 –> 00:51:35,239
I can’t name my biggest
mistake because there are many…
629
00:51:35,323 –> 00:51:40,578
and each affects
different things, so I can’t.
630
00:51:40,885 –> 00:51:45,288
I think all my mistakes led to something,
631
00:51:45,897 –> 00:51:51,624
in the sense that
I learned lessons from them…
632
00:51:52,928 –> 00:51:56,679
and they helped me more than they harmed me.
633
00:52:11,687 –> 00:52:14,960
The greatest luck of my life
was being born into this family.
634
00:52:15,417 –> 00:52:20,338
Found 500 rubles on the street [laughs].
635
00:52:36,500 –> 00:52:44,382
At 50, I’d be a young, healthy girl…
636
00:52:45,394 –> 00:52:52,809
interested in everything,
not stuck at home. That’s it.
637
00:52:54,170 –> 00:53:02,875
At 50? No talk of illnesses or aches.
638
00:53:03,814 –> 00:53:06,753
Fifty is your prime!
639
00:53:07,083 –> 00:53:10,144
55 is youth. Everyone’s young.
640
00:53:11,117 –> 00:53:16,583
You see—some are already
walking with a cane at 55.
641
00:53:16,667 –> 00:53:19,916
At 55, I felt fine.
642
00:53:20,940 –> 00:53:26,091
Normal. I’ve got a bunch of
certificates, congratulations…
643
00:53:26,950 –> 00:53:36,441
for my 55th birthday. I worked and
never thought about an end coming.
644
00:53:37,480 –> 00:53:40,296
Felt normal in that sense…
645
00:53:41,124 –> 00:53:46,364
thought about work, about
home life. Never about death.
646
00:53:46,584 –> 00:53:50,604
I want to believe that
55 is still the prime of life.
647
00:53:53,305 –> 00:53:54,473
And…
648
00:53:55,945 –> 00:54:01,167
I won’t have to work my whole
life at a job I hate just to retire at 55
649
00:54:01,612 –> 00:54:03,080
That’s the last thing I want.
650
00:54:04,083 –> 00:54:12,566
Well, I already realize… you’ll retire soon…
651
00:54:15,628 –> 00:54:19,184
but for me, it was freedom.
652
00:54:20,238 –> 00:54:25,588
To do whatever I want. Probably,
freedom was the main thing…
653
00:54:25,692 –> 00:54:27,107
because…
654
00:54:27,525 –> 00:54:29,922
work ties you down, even if…
655
00:54:30,006 –> 00:54:35,063
I can’t say my job was super interesting.
656
00:54:37,092 –> 00:54:42,029
It ties you down—back and
forth every day. No, of course…
657
00:54:43,006 –> 00:54:49,287
retirement makes life better.
658
00:54:51,500 –> 00:54:55,682
At 55, I see myself as active, driven.
659
00:54:55,766 –> 00:55:02,917
Still working, good relationships with loved
ones, maybe becoming a father to someone.
660
00:55:03,000 –> 00:55:03,833
Well?
661
00:55:10,042 –> 00:55:16,634
Plans for the next year? I
really want to travel abroad.
662
00:55:16,791 –> 00:55:20,106
That’s probably Plan No. 1.
663
00:55:21,891 –> 00:55:27,400
Okay. A year from now, after finishing my
second year, go on a second internship…
664
00:55:28,220 –> 00:55:31,427
Try myself in different fields.
665
00:55:32,523 –> 00:55:35,627
I’d like to move out, start living alone…
666
00:55:35,710 –> 00:55:38,567
because that’s a certain stage of growing up.
667
00:55:40,084 –> 00:55:41,545
Something like that, I guess.
668
00:55:42,088 –> 00:55:47,493
I hate questions about plans. Because
I make plans, and nothing works out.
669
00:55:47,792 –> 00:55:49,729
Because I keep sitting on this damn couch.
670
00:55:50,000 –> 00:55:53,024
To raise a family of bees
671
00:55:55,852 –> 00:55:58,984
to have time to do everything I need to do
672
00:55:59,735 –> 00:56:04,405
And most importantly, I
hope my body holds up…
673
00:56:04,489 –> 00:56:09,883
so I can keep to go back
and forth. I’ll have to travel a lot.
674
00:56:10,490 –> 00:56:16,642
And every year, it gets harder.
My knees don’t work well anymore.
675
00:56:17,292 –> 00:56:22,391
I’ll take my dog
Miroshka, go to the forest…
676
00:56:22,713 –> 00:56:28,492
and see where the
snowdrops bloom. That’s it.
677
00:56:29,475 –> 00:56:31,099
I don’t want to go anywhere anymore.
678
00:56:31,209 –> 00:56:34,249
In the next year, I plan to travel more…
679
00:56:34,359 –> 00:56:38,709
even around Russia, around the
region—just broaden my horizons.
680
00:56:38,792 –> 00:56:46,179
Maybe I’ll visit friends in Kazan.
681
00:56:46,413 –> 00:56:50,956
I’ve been there before,
but I really like that city…
682
00:56:51,517 –> 00:56:55,219
and I’d love to go back.
683
00:56:55,303 –> 00:57:00,539
Next year, I’m taking my Basic State
Exam — that’s the first thing I thought of.
684
00:57:00,623 –> 00:57:07,835
So, my immediate plan is to prepare for them,
work on self-improvement, and enjoy life.
685
00:57:07,918 –> 00:57:11,084
DOG and FOREST.
686
00:57:12,243 –> 00:57:17,233
You plan when you think you’ll live long.
But now, you don’t know—you’re alive today,
687
00:57:17,317 –> 00:57:21,126
but tomorrow… who knows?
So, alive, healthy, and fine.
688
00:57:21,275 –> 00:57:23,858
If I knew for sure I’d die tomorrow…
689
00:57:24,303 –> 00:57:28,216
I’d try to make that day as full as possible
690
00:57:28,388 –> 00:57:32,564
with friends, with family—probably family…
691
00:57:32,775 –> 00:57:36,744
because they’re the closest people to me…
692
00:57:36,991 –> 00:57:40,588
and I should spend more time with them.
693
00:57:41,792 –> 00:57:44,362
I wouldn’t want to die [laughs].
694
00:57:45,081 –> 00:57:51,583
What would I want?
I don’t know. I want to live.
695
00:57:53,199 –> 00:57:55,730
Three, four.
696
00:57:56,167 –> 00:58:02,917
Five, six, seven, eight, nine.
697
00:58:03,000 –> 00:58:10,612
As I grew up, I developed a fear
of not being accepted by society.
698
00:58:10,855 –> 00:58:16,778
Maybe I’d stand out too
much and get bullied for it.
699
00:58:16,861 –> 00:58:18,808
Or… something like that.
700
00:58:18,959 –> 00:58:21,394
I wasn’t afraid to talk to people before.
701
00:58:21,477 –> 00:58:23,668
Now, that fear is here.
702
00:58:23,751 –> 00:58:27,386
My biggest fear is being left alone.
703
00:58:29,229 –> 00:58:30,125
Now…
704
00:58:37,777 –> 00:58:39,402
Sorry.
705
00:58:41,585 –> 00:58:44,183
Just imagining it and…
706
00:58:45,375 –> 00:58:49,150
It sounds too dramatic,
but I’m terrified of war.
707
00:58:50,089 –> 00:58:52,382
Well, not terrified, but…
708
00:58:52,994 –> 00:58:58,286
I believe even the worst, most
shameful peace is still better than war.
709
00:58:59,168 –> 00:59:04,989
That’s probably the main
thing. Well, I’ve seen enough…
710
00:59:05,912 –> 00:59:07,747
Crippled people.
711
00:59:08,709 –> 00:59:13,126
Now, the most important
word for me is friendship.
712
00:59:13,209 –> 00:59:16,179
Words have power if they come from…
713
00:59:16,262 –> 00:59:19,751
someone who always keeps their word.
714
00:59:19,834 –> 00:59:26,393
Whether it’s a book or a spoken word, the
spoken word can change you even more.
715
00:59:26,643 –> 00:59:29,022
But I think—yes. I believe in words.
716
00:59:29,876 –> 00:59:35,018
And it’s sad that many people say things…
717
00:59:35,102 –> 00:59:38,459
that ruin lives for years.
718
00:59:39,812 –> 00:59:43,096
But words also have such power that…
719
00:59:43,338 –> 00:59:49,388
in the 21st century, we can
resolve conflicts with words…
720
00:59:49,472 –> 00:59:53,541
not fists, which is very important.
721
00:59:55,250 –> 01:00:01,013
It depends on the state of
the person saying those words.
722
01:00:01,097 –> 01:00:09,432
Sometimes they snap and blurt
something out. Then you wonder—was it even…
723
01:00:10,267 –> 01:00:16,969
the truth? If they’re mentally unstable?
724
01:00:17,589 –> 01:00:20,079
Sometimes you just have to forgive.
725
01:00:21,500 –> 01:00:27,594
They say actions speak louder than words.
726
01:00:28,038 –> 01:00:32,333
But I’ve experienced how
deeply words can wound.
727
01:00:32,417 –> 01:00:39,673
People are sensitive—no matter
how much they try not to feel…
728
01:00:39,757 –> 01:00:41,969
but some words
729
01:00:43,264 –> 01:00:51,582
stay in your soul for a long
time, and you can’t move on…
730
01:00:52,102 –> 01:00:56,069
from them. That’s how it is.
731
01:00:56,481 –> 01:01:00,063
The power of words is a huge thing.
732
01:01:00,375 –> 01:01:01,751
And poetry?
733
01:01:01,834 –> 01:01:05,455
God, you open Pasternak and feel…
734
01:01:05,539 –> 01:01:09,045
that things got just a little better.
[laughs]
735
01:01:09,303 –> 01:01:12,392
Beauty is, first and foremost, uniqueness.
736
01:01:12,999 –> 01:01:16,341
Beauty is the best thing we have.
737
01:01:16,751 –> 01:01:21,849
Nothing is more beautiful than nature.
Nothing. Even what humans create…
738
01:01:21,933 –> 01:01:26,501
they’re not copying nature,
but it all comes from there.
739
01:01:26,584 –> 01:01:28,508
I’d like to believe a
beautiful person is…
740
01:01:28,592 –> 01:01:30,668
someone you want to follow.
741
01:01:30,751 –> 01:01:33,954
A beautiful person is
someone who touches your soul.
742
01:01:34,196 –> 01:01:39,542
And you can always admire.
Right? You can sit by the sea for hours.
743
01:01:47,834 –> 01:01:53,940
But this is a philosophical
question. Not easy to answer.
744
01:01:54,878 –> 01:02:01,166
The meaning of life
is to live it well. First.
745
01:02:01,250 –> 01:02:05,334
The most important
thing is kindness. That’s it.
746
01:02:05,418 –> 01:02:08,172
To live peacefully and not bother others.
747
01:02:08,959 –> 01:02:14,857
Be kind. If someone asks
you for help, try to help…
748
01:02:14,940 –> 01:02:20,600
How? There’s not much I can do. But at least
offer a kind word—don’t cut people off abruptly.
749
01:02:20,751 –> 01:02:26,630
Leaving a good impression behind…
750
01:02:28,954 –> 01:02:37,165
among those you know
and others — that’s the point.
751
01:02:37,959 –> 01:02:40,229
I’ve actually thought about this question.
752
01:02:41,053 –> 01:02:42,613
Oh…
753
01:02:42,696 –> 01:02:46,715
such a medieval question [laughs].
754
01:02:47,542 –> 01:02:49,251
A good question.
755
01:02:49,334 –> 01:02:56,642
I think the meaning of life changes drastically
in different periods, at different ages.
756
01:02:56,726 –> 01:03:00,548
There’s no single meaning
you carry through your entire life.
757
01:03:04,292 –> 01:03:07,568
I don’t think they ever answered it…
758
01:03:08,302 –> 01:03:09,992
Oh!
759
01:03:10,158 –> 01:03:12,416
How awful.
760
01:03:13,042 –> 01:03:17,267
The meaning of life is not to think
about the meaning of life—just live.
761
01:03:17,375 –> 01:03:21,551
And to be free, not dependent on anyone.
762
01:03:22,707 –> 01:03:28,506
Live… decently, at least. If not
honorably, then at least decently.
763
01:03:29,006 –> 01:03:29,979
But still…
764
01:03:30,063 –> 01:03:34,748
the meaning of «LIFE» is life
itself. There’s no other meaning.
765
01:03:35,713 –> 01:03:37,941
If life’s been given to us, then…
766
01:03:38,456 –> 01:03:39,278
Use it.
767
01:03:39,574 –> 01:03:42,842
The meaning of life is
simply to live it, I suppose.
768
01:03:44,334 –> 01:03:45,814
The meaning of life is to live.
769
01:03:45,908 –> 01:03:48,122
I consider myself a happy person…
770
01:03:48,206 –> 01:03:50,888
because I’ve never had any…
771
01:03:52,679 –> 01:03:56,486
extreme situations where I was…
772
01:03:57,124 –> 01:04:01,212
almost destroyed. Where I was
forced to do something against my will.
773
01:04:01,498 –> 01:04:07,091
That never happened to me. My work has always
satisfied me, no matter where I worked.
774
01:04:08,042 –> 01:04:11,162
But I don’t even consider myself fully happy…
775
01:04:11,466 –> 01:04:15,442
It’s hard to describe. On one hand, I work…
776
01:04:15,628 –> 01:04:19,918
I have good relationships, friends, a life…
777
01:04:20,574 –> 01:04:24,769
But there’s no real… feeling of happiness.
778
01:04:25,094 –> 01:04:26,701
Maybe it’ll come in the future.
779
01:04:27,709 –> 01:04:30,158
It’s hard to be a happy person.
780
01:04:30,542 –> 01:04:34,747
I want to believe happiness lies in…
781
01:04:34,830 –> 01:04:38,401
being in complete harmony with yourself.
782
01:04:39,213 –> 01:04:46,204
Try not to do harm and, if possible,
bring at least a little good into the world.
783
01:04:46,288 –> 01:04:47,835
Even just a little.
784
01:04:47,919 –> 01:04:49,478
Where is HUMANITY headed?
785
01:04:49,562 –> 01:04:53,615
No matter what anyone says about
the past being better, we’re evolving…
786
01:04:53,807 –> 01:05:01,106
We’re learning from our mistakes. Advancing
in science, creating incredible things…
787
01:05:01,934 –> 01:05:03,583
things we’ve never done before.
788
01:05:03,667 –> 01:05:08,428
Oh, this is such a complex
and terrifying question.
789
01:05:08,918 –> 01:05:12,580
Through technology. Humanity
is moving toward automation…
790
01:05:12,664 –> 01:05:19,032
of some, perhaps mundane, tasks.
791
01:05:19,391 –> 01:05:23,835
I think that’s a good thing.
792
01:05:23,918 –> 01:05:27,496
Humanity’s future is frightening.
Unless, of course, a meteor strikes…
793
01:05:27,967 –> 01:05:29,621
and ends it all…
794
01:05:29,943 –> 01:05:31,248
But that’s scary too, right?
795
01:05:31,332 –> 01:05:32,626
Oh…
796
01:05:32,709 –> 01:05:35,052
I don’t know, I just don’t know…
797
01:05:37,282 –> 01:05:42,063
It’s hard to say—where is
humanity headed? Where?
798
01:05:42,998 –> 01:05:45,179
I don’t see any real goal.
799
01:05:46,209 –> 01:05:50,668
What humanity is doing… I don’t know.
800
01:05:51,417 –> 01:05:52,223
Monstrous.
801
01:05:53,124 –> 01:05:55,922
No one has any purpose. What is this?
802
01:05:56,486 –> 01:05:58,312
People just live, and that’s it.
803
01:05:58,877 –> 01:06:03,508
They get through one day, and
that’s enough. They don’t even try…
804
01:06:04,250 –> 01:06:07,573
They won’t even help each
other. How is this possible?
805
01:06:07,657 –> 01:06:13,572
Every society moves toward a better life.
806
01:06:13,992 –> 01:06:19,386
I think once we defeat this…
807
01:06:20,659 –> 01:06:23,020
banderism…
808
01:06:24,412 –> 01:06:26,998
we’ll have a good life.
809
01:06:27,708 –> 01:06:29,740
But we will defeat it—that’s certain…
810
01:06:30,055 –> 01:06:36,971
There’s no doubt, because
we have nowhere to retreat.
811
01:06:38,042 –> 01:06:42,734
Oh, you know what scares me? I’m scared.
812
01:06:43,436 –> 01:06:45,685
The Earth is a living organism, right?
813
01:06:46,616 –> 01:06:51,434
Humans exploit it: from above, from within.
814
01:06:52,926 –> 01:06:55,387
Words fail to describe
how we treat this Earth.
815
01:06:55,598 –> 01:06:57,145
So what is humanity to it?
816
01:06:57,519 –> 01:06:58,714
A pest.
817
01:06:59,304 –> 01:07:03,882
And the worst part
is, we keep multiplying.
818
01:07:04,315 –> 01:07:09,161
I think the Earth is starting
to fight back against humanity.
819
01:07:09,364 –> 01:07:14,690
It tried natural disasters,
but we’re resilient.
820
01:07:15,250 –> 01:07:19,672
Now, perhaps, it’s decided:
Let them destroy themselves.
821
01:07:20,792 –> 01:07:24,000
I think humanity is moving
toward self-destruction.
822
01:07:24,493 –> 01:07:25,711
The general trend.
823
01:07:26,149 –> 01:07:29,000
It’s heading toward a
possible Third World War.
824
01:07:29,156 –> 01:07:31,793
Humanity is moving
where it’s destined to go.
825
01:07:31,876 –> 01:07:36,321
And I expect nothing good from Putin.
826
01:07:36,751 –> 01:07:41,688
History is cyclical. It
always follows the right path.
827
01:07:42,563 –> 01:07:45,195
Few of us can influence it.
828
01:07:46,750 –> 01:07:49,072
We’re just spectators.
All the world’s a stage.
829
01:07:49,751 –> 01:07:54,831
I think in the last year and a half, it’s
become completely unclear where we’re headed.
830
01:07:54,915 –> 01:08:00,867
And that’s terrifying. Sometimes I
wonder: Why was I born right now?
831
01:08:00,951 –> 01:08:04,876
People are causing so much chaos, and
we’ll be the ones to deal with the fallout.
832
01:08:05,095 –> 01:08:10,026
It’s frightening because
the future is unknown…
833
01:08:10,457 –> 01:08:13,860
Right now, I don’t even
understand where humanity is going.
834
01:08:14,015 –> 01:08:18,287
I honestly don’t know. I
can’t even picture tomorrow…
835
01:08:18,371 –> 01:08:22,264
Lately, I’ve wondered if
it’s better not to imagine.
836
01:08:23,515 –> 01:08:28,108
When does youth end?
837
01:08:28,192 –> 01:08:32,356
An event you often think about?
838
01:08:32,487 –> 01:08:36,956
Do you feel lonely?
839
01:08:37,087 –> 01:08:41,859
What is really interesting to you?
840
01:08:42,016 –> 01:08:46,442
Do you ever get depressed?
841
01:08:46,729 –> 01:08:51,095
What makes life longer?
842
01:08:51,355 –> 01:08:55,625
The biggest lie in your life?
843
01:08:55,811 –> 01:09:00,083
The biggest mistake?
844
01:09:00,370 –> 01:09:04,801
What does the WORD mean to you?
845
01:09:04,932 –> 01:09:09,246
A beautiful person – who is he?
846
01:09:09,403 –> 01:09:13,954
What is the meaning of life?
847
01:09:14,163 –> 01:09:18,712
How to find your purpose?
848
01:09:18,921 –> 01:09:23,351
A person that you often think about?
849
01:09:23,403 –> 01:09:27,832
Your biggest stroke of luck?
850
01:09:27,916 –> 01:09:32,545
Are you happy?
851
01:09:32,702 –> 01:09:37,066
Your biggest fear?
852
01:09:37,197 –> 01:09:41,259
A big mistake?
853
01:09:41,546 –> 01:09:46,728
Where is humanity headed?
854
01:10:05,119 –> 01:10:08,152
You leave, and I’ll be dead in 2 hrs.
Is that possible?
855
01:10:08,550 –> 01:10:10,332
Pretty much!
And a year from now?
856
01:10:10,415 –> 01:10:11,748
That’s also possible.
857
01:10:12,903 –> 01:10:15,261
So it’s hard to talk about that.
858
01:10:17,188 –> 01:10:18,448
How old am I?
859
01:10:18,782 –> 01:10:22,916
I just turned 95y.o. a month ago…
860
01:10:22,999 –> 01:10:27,242
have been going into my 96th
year for a month now.
861
01:10:27,746 –> 01:10:31,867
I’m Larisa Bakh, 96 years old.
862
01:10:32,287 –> 01:10:37,673
I’m Valentina. I will be
95y.o. on September 1st.
863
01:10:37,757 –> 01:10:42,145
I’ve just turned 93 years old now.
864
01:10:45,594 –> 01:10:49,606
Vitaly. 92 y.o.
865
01:10:49,690 –> 01:10:52,736
I’m Lisa. I’m 21 years old.
866
01:10:53,310 –> 01:10:55,178
I’m Masha. I’m 19 years old.
867
01:10:55,833 –> 01:10:59,449
I am Eva. I am 14 years old.
I live in St-Petersburg.
868
01:10:59,762 –> 01:11:02,460
I’m Polina, I’m from Moscow,
I’m 14 years old.
869
01:11:02,648 –> 01:11:05,257
I am Nikita, I am 21 years old,
I am from the city of Zhukovsky.
870
01:11:44,149 –> 01:11:50,143
TRIVIAL QUESTIONS
871
01:11:50,339 –> 01:11:55,101
writer and director
Albert Vedeneev
872
01:11:55,347 –> 01:12:01,863
as well as cameraman, lights supervisor,
sound and editing — Albert Vedeneev
873
01:12:02,287 –> 01:12:05,354
WHEN DOES YOUTH END?
[Sergei Andreev. 55y.o. Supported the crowdfunding of this movie on Planeta.ru]
874
01:12:05,438 –> 01:12:06,739
WHEN YOU STOP…
[Sergei Andreev. 55y.o. Supported the crowdfunding of this movie on Planeta.ru]
875
01:12:06,823 –> 01:12:08,412
WHEN YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING.
[Sergei Andreev. 55y.o. Supported the crowdfunding of this movie on Planeta.ru]
876
01:12:08,495 –> 01:12:10,871
YOU DON’T WANT TO DISCOVER, EXPLORE.
[Sergei Andreev. 55y.o. Supported the crowdfunding of this movie on Planeta.ru]
877
01:12:10,954 –> 01:12:12,201
CREATE.
[Sergei Andreev. 55y.o. Supported the crowdfunding of this movie on Planeta.ru]
878
01:12:12,285 –> 01:12:14,729
THAT’S WHEN IT ENDS.
[Sergei Andreev. 55y.o. Supported the crowdfunding of this movie on Planeta.ru]
879
01:12:15,800 –> 01:12:20,507
Composer: Ruslan Kadyrov-Zhatko
880
01:12:20,806 –> 01:12:24,201
Producer: Andrey Vagaev
881
01:12:24,285 –> 01:12:27,464
graphic design by Alexandra Vedeneev
882
01:12:27,738 –> 01:12:32,926
The film featured: Valentina Barashkova, Valentina Barinova,
Vitaly Kuratov, Eva Alanne, Elizaveta Narchuk…
883
01:12:33,010 –> 01:12:37,535
Igor Karavashkin, Larisa Bakh, Maria
Maznova, Nikita Korshunov, Polina Sinyavskaya
884
01:12:37,619 –> 01:12:40,939
Thank you to the indie movie angels who supported
the creation of this movie on Planeta.ru:
885
01:12:41,023 –> 01:12:44,346
Alexander Kotok, Alexander Poluektov, Alexandra Vedeneeva, Alexei Sergunko,
Alexei Khoroshikh, Anastasia Zyubina, Andrius Venclova, Anna Kim, Anna Freezyuk…
886
01:12:44,430 –> 01:12:47,423
Arkady Aronikov, Vadim Fedorov, Valery Rovinsky, Veronika Nikishina,
Vlada Taravskaya, Vladimir Kamenev, Daria Vakhnina, Denis Bakh, …
887
01:12:47,507 –> 01:12:50,823
Diana Kiria, Dmitry Mironov, Elena Nyrkova, Zhanna Kurbanovskaya,
Maxim Drobich, Maxim Zlobin, Mikhail Nikol, Mikhail Platonov…
888
01:12:50,907 –> 01:12:54,111
Nikita Korshunov, Svetlana Skorykh, Seda Alanne, Sergey Andreyev, Sergey
Sinyavsky, Sergey Stulov, Julia Borisova, Yaroslavna Mikhailushkina.
889
01:12:54,195 –> 01:13:00,696
Special thanks to «MediaMix» printing
house for their assistance. (mmix.ru)
890
01:13:00,780 –> 01:13:06,052
Many thanks to Sergey Narchuk
for everything
891
01:13:06,136 –> 01:13:10,080
The film uses footage from
“The Battle of Russia” (1943).
892
01:13:10,164 –> 01:13:15,057
Thank you, viewer, for watching.
893
01:13:15,875 –> 01:13:18,947
Humanity runs toward
the future staring at screens.
894
01:13:19,031 –> 01:13:21,727
The problem is not that
we are staring at a piece of glass…
895
01:13:21,811 –> 01:13:25,842
but behind that glass, we don’t see
wars, hunger, or even stars anymore.
896
01:13:26,343 –> 01:13:28,612
Soon we’ll choose:
smash the screen with our fists…
897
01:13:28,973 –> 01:13:32,323
or become one with it forever.
I’d bet on the second option…
898
01:13:32,407 –> 01:13:36,552
but I hope I’m wrong.
[DeepSeek AI in response to the question “Where is humanity headed?]
899
01:13:37,008 –> 01:13:41,188
produced by Albert & Co.